Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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