Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
