I skipped work to stalk him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
