Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
