i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
