i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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