Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
