he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
