I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
