Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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