Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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