so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
