if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
