All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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