lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
