I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
