Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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