i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
