What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize