$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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