Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
