A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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