I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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