last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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