He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
