dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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