i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
