He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
