So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
nutella sex= disaster
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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