Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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