Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
