Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
