So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
