does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
