so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
