Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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