I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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