You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
