Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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