hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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