"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want to make out with him forever
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
