just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
