i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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