I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
