please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
