my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
