420 ftw
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
