i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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