I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
