considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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