duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
