cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
