It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
