I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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