We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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