I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
one two three fourrrrnication!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
