just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
