Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
