you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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