We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
