dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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