You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
someone owes me an orgasm
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
