I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize