I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Less talking, more tequila
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
