so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a hot homeless man
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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