i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
