can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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