gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
