Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
