I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
did you just send me my own nude
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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